G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Joe-Movie-Logo-600So, I’ve watched the trailer for “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” that debuted during the Super Bowl last night about a dozen times now; at first glance, I thought it looked terrible, but I’m slowly starting to warm up to it.

Sienna Miller’s Baroness looks great; easy character there, but she looks the most like the old cartoon and comic book versions of the character.

Trashing the Eiffel Tower is a perfect calling-card crime for Cobra – recall in the cartoons that Cobra had a weather dominator and used a huge laser to carve a picture of Cobra Commander onto the freakin’ moon. So, blowing up a major global landmark is right up Cobra’s alley.

I’m not at all sold on the power suits, which are used on the guys jumping through and over the bus and dodging the missles a few scenes later. It just seems a little over the top and silly; but I’m willing to admit that could just be the cynic in me wishing this was more of the original “modern military” G.I. Joe from its beginnings in the early 80s – when Snake Eyes was just “commando” and not a ninja-commando.

Speaking of Snake Eyes, I still can’t get excited about how he’s presented visually. The muscled latex suit just screams “Joel Silver Batman” to me; I’m just glad it doesn’t have nipples. And the fact that his mask has lips is stupid. I do dig the visor; I like how they pulled that off. But the rest of the suit just doesn’t do it for me.

Along the costume line, I’m also willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on Storm Shadow and see more before I pass judgment on him, but I was really hoping for a more traditional ninja look from him and not a masked Matrix character. We’ll see.

The scene in the Pit, where the Joe team is walking through the hangar with the VTOL planes, is *horribly* composted. The Joes all have long shadows going down and to the right of the screen, and none of the other people in the shot have shadows. Even in the second or two that shot is on screen in the trailer, it jumped out at me and was jarring. The more you look at the screencap, the worse it gets… It’s worse than the scene in Iron Man where he blows up the tank with the wrist rocket, and that was pretty shabby.

The fact that Destro (Craig Eccleston) and Gen. Abernathy (Dennis Quaid) get to share screen time is awesome, with Hawk clearly not knowing Destro is the enemy.

A lot was crammed into the 30-second trailer. I’m still not 100% sure this movie won’t suck; it’s one of those things where I’m really, really trying to keep my excitement about an actual live-action G.I. Joe movie in check so I don’t leave the theater horrendously disappointed. But at least after seeing the trailer I’m now open to the idea that it won’t be “Matrix Revolutions” bad, and honestly that’s a big step. 🙂

Suspiciously absent: Cobra Commander, and Destro in his helmet. It seems as if Destro, in his helmet, could possibly be the visible bad guy – the face of Cobra, so to speak – with Cobra Commander perhaps the faceless puppet master behind the scenes? It’d actually be pretty cool to run through this movie and have Cobra Commander intro’d right at the end as the brains of the operation the entire time, and have that lead into the inevitable sequel.

I guess we’ll find out in August.

Andy Bartlett

By day, I am the executive director of communications and marketing at Bemidji State University. The rest of the time, I'm a husband, father of three, and proponent of super heroes, lasers, space ships and explosions.

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