“Battle: Los Angeles” tonight

“Summer” movie season kicks off tonight with “Battle: Los Angeles.” I’m going to go catch a late show at 9:30, after everyone in my family who would hate this movie (i.e., everyone) is asleep.

I don’t really have any sort of level of expectations for this movie; it will basically need to succeed on two fronts, and two fronts only, for me to enjoy it:

1) The aliens have to look cool. So far, the trailers have shown a lot of what the aliens’ vehicles look like, but the only time I can remember seeing an actual alien was one of those “run quickly through the background” type shots. Not clear at all. So I’m really curious to see what they look like. I like how the mechanical designs look in the trailers, too – it’ll be fun to see those up on a big screen.

2) The fights need to be often and good. I really hope this movie doesn’t give us 45 minutes of buildup and character development of the humans before the invasion happens. I’m not going to a movie called “Battle: Los Angeles” because I give a damn about the human characters. Don’t try to paint them as sympathetic or having nice families or a relative with cancer so you can set up a shot to try and force me to be all sad when they die, either. Pro tip: I will not be sad, because I want the aliens to kill them. All of them. Even Aaron Eckhart. That’s the point of the movie. I’m going to a movie called “Battle: Los Angeles” because I want to see the aliens absolutely crushing everything in their path, and then completely and improbably losing in the last 10 minutes of the movie while still leaving a final-shot setup for a sequel. Give me 10 minutes of exposition, then spend the next 1:45 blowing the hell out of everything.

Andy Bartlett

By day, I am the executive director of communications and marketing at Bemidji State University. The rest of the time, I'm a husband, father of three, and proponent of super heroes, lasers, space ships and explosions.

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