A new “worst movie of all time” champion

There is a new king! “Love Actually” has held the crown of “Worst Movie Andy Has Ever Seen” for quite some time; that film supplanted the absolutely ghastly “House of the Dead,” which also held the crown for a significant period of time before being toppled by “Love Actually.”

Well, there is a new champion. The 2008 remake of the mid-80s camp horror classic, April Fool’s Day, has stormed to the top of my personal Worst Film of All Time charts with a bullet.

I’m not even sure where to begin with this movie. The acting is absolutely horrendous – I literally almost quit on this movie during the first 10-15 minutes of exposition and character introductions, and I only stayed with the movie knowing there was a good chance every one of them would eventually be killed.

The characters are not remotely believable; they’re so over the top and in-your-face that they’re more caricatures than characters. The completely fake-gay gossip blogger is the worst of the bunch; every second he talked on screen made me want to kick a puppy. In fact, he’s so bad I can’t even readily find him in the cast listing at IMDB.com; there’s no way I’d want to be associated with this movie, so maybe he found a way to purge his involvement. The rest of the cast should be so lucky.

The “plot” is laughable; impossibly rich and impossibly self-absorbed rich kids throw a debutante ball in the Carolinas, and a practical joke against a long-time rival goes horribly awry, leading to a death. A year later, all involved receive “go to the cemetary at noon, I know your secret” cards, and the movie just devolves into nonsense from there. Everybody “dies,” only it turns out at the end of the movie to just be a prank to get the bitch to admit to everyone she’s a bitch. And through one of the most ridiculous setups ever, the bitch is “accidentally” killed so her brother could get his mitts on the inheritance.

It’s horrendous. I really wish I could kill the part of my brain that remembers I’ve seen it. And it’s now officially the worst film I’ve ever seen.

Andy Bartlett

By day, I am the executive director of communications and marketing at Bemidji State University. The rest of the time, I'm a husband, father of three, and proponent of super heroes, lasers, space ships and explosions.

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