Movie Extravaganza

This week has been a busy week for films in Casa del Bartlett. Mel and I hit up the theaters on Saturday to catch the remake of “Last House on the Left,” and have had piles of DVDs in the house all week. Here’s a brief recap of what I’ve seen the last few days and what’s to come:

• Last House on the Left (theater)
A remake of Wes Craven’s horror classic from the ’70s. I’d seen the original a few times, and expected something campy and silly out of the remake, something in the same vein as the remake of another Craven classic from that era, “The Hills Have Eyes,” from a few years back. The rape scene bothered me to the point that I literally almost had to leave the theater, which was bizarre — I’ve never had a reaction like that to a movie before. It was just intense and brutal and not what I was expecting. Hard movie to watch; would have difficulty recommending anybody else go see it.

• Dark City (DVD)
My first viewing in awhile of one of my favorite movies of all time. I always laugh at how campy Keifer Sutherland is and how distracting his accent is in the movie; but it does little to take away from a truly excellent movie.

• Team America: World Police (DVD)
Was on sale for six bucks at Target, and I had to buy it.  Only the second time I’d seen it – I never did rent the DVD after Mel and I saw it in the theaters. Fun, awful, stupid movie. I’ll be watching it again a few more times, for sure.

• Role Models (DVD)
Great, great movie. Just a steady parade of stupid one-liners and things Mel and I will be repeating to each other for years. A straight-up fun movie; definitely worth a rental. Paul Rudd is his typically awesome self, and I’ve always liked Seann William Scott. Good movie.

• Scanners (DVD)
Mel wanted to get a pile of horror movies from Blockbuster since they’re doing their five catalog titles for $5 promo again, and I picked this David Cronenberg classic from 1980 which I somehow had never seen before. It was pretty much what I had expected – awful acting, an interesting but poorly-assembled plot, and some pretty fun gore effects for a 28-year-old movie. Lived up to its cult classic status; I’m really glad I finally got around to seeing it. The ending is trippy and awesome. After it was over, I found myself amazed that it hasn’t been subjected to a remake yet, since everything else is getting a reboot these days. It’s got to be coming eventually…

• Deadbirds (DVD)
A supposed horror film that Mel and I quit on after 30 minutes. After an amazingly campy and poorly-filmed bank heist in the film’s opening minutes, the movie literally becomes 20-some minutes of a half-dozen people lounging around in a house. By the time we got the slightest inkling of what they had in store for them, we’d already checked out of the movie. I’m sure it improved after that first half hour, when things hopefully started actually taking place, but we’ll never know.

• The Fog (DVD)
Another movie we only got about a half hour into, but only because Mel fell asleep. 🙂 We’ll finish it later; I thought it had potential to be entertaining.

• Twilight (DVD)
This movie was terrible. Just terrible. The villain was poorly developed; he just showed up two-thirds of the way through the movie and was like “bad guy here; let’s get down to business.” The music didn’t fit the setting in a lot of instances, most notably in some of the scenes after Bella finds out Edward is a vampire (from Google, because nothing on the Internet is wrong…). The producers worked like hell to keep the PG-13 rating; it’s a damn vampire movie, and there’s barely any blood. Edward was kindof a douchebag, and I never for one minute bought into this “chemistry” that he supposedly had with Kristin Stewart. Seriously, it was like in Star Wars: Episode 2 where Padme just declares that she truly, deeply loves Anakin – for basically no reason whatsoever. Bella just has this “oh, he’s so mysterious” moment out of a Kids in the Hall sketch, and decides she has to be with him forever. I didn’t buy it for a second.

And no, I will not read the book so I can “get it.” Terrible movie.

Still on deck:
• The Fog (will finish this one)
• The Relic (a super-cool movie that I’m excited to watch again)
• Children of the Corn: The Resurrection (or some crap like that)

Andy Bartlett

By day, I am the executive director of communications and marketing at Bemidji State University. The rest of the time, I'm a husband, father of three, and proponent of super heroes, lasers, space ships and explosions.

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