Helen’s story, too many words on Transformers: Legends, and a recap of my weekend movie blitz

Helen’s lion story
A couple of weeks ago I had the girls in my office for a half-hour or so to account for some unusual schedule quirk between Mel and I. During that visit, Helen took a red pen and wrote a story for me on two Post-It Notes. Here is her story (with her spellings).

“Once apon a time there once was a lion that was 74 years old and was good at socker. And a professional ninja and his favorite subject was geography.”

Tell me you wouldn’t read the rest of that story if there were more Post-It Notes.

Teaching social media in schools

I just think there are way more important things to teach kids without diverting more valuable education time to something like social media…

Transformers: Legends
There’s a game available on iOS and Android called “Transformers: Legends”; it’s a free download with in-app purchases, and I started playing it about a month ago. It is a typical game; you can play for free, but your actions are limited by the game’s currencies — two of which you can buy for real money if you are so inclined.

The three currencies are credits (money used to pay to combine a Transformer’s robot-mode card with its vehicle or other alt-mode card to create a more-powerful version, or to use cards as raw materials to upgrade other cards); Energon (an “energy” that is used to undertake missions; each attempted mission segment costs 10 Energon. You start with 100 but can increase your upper limit to 136 by progressing through the game); and Battle Cubes (which are used one at a time to buy essentially pointless player-vs-player battles, and more importantly to begin fights with bosses in special weekly events called Episodes). Energon gets used up pretty quickly; you can spend a full charge of 13 turns in a few minutes, and when you have emptied the full 136 it takes 2 hours to recharge. Battle cubes can be expended in less than a minute, and recharge at a rate of one per hour. The Energon and Battle Cubes can be purchased with money.

Each turn in a “mission” has one of several outcomes — you play a mini game to shoot down incoming rockets by tapping them to earn credits; you discover one of three common or uncommon character cards assigned to that mission; you get to face off against a “boss” that has about a 20 percent chance to drop a rare-quality weapon; or you play the worst implementation of five-card Monty ever in a game for a chance to win a rare-quality character card. The rare is one of five cards on a board, which are flipped over and “shuffled,” and you tap a card to select the one you think is the rare. However, you will quick learn that the shuffle animation is the same very time and offers no clue as to where the rare ends up. So to win, your best bet is to just pick one of the five cards and stab it every time until the rare happens to be there. It is super lame.

The game also adds regular (weekly, basically) episodes — contrived storylines involving some Transformers characters that you are supposed to defeat for some reason. Basically it just adds a fifth possible element to each mission turn — a “boss fight” matchup against an opponent you can buy the opportunity to fight for one Battle Cube (or fight it with additional damage bonuses for two or three Cubes, which you should rarely if ever do). You earn points for beating each boss, which escalate as the bosses get stronger (and quickly to the point where you have to ask other players for help to defeat unless you want to spend many of your own Cubes to attack it repeatedly yourself — which is a waste of the game’s most valuable resource), and when the boss is defeated everyone who participates gets some sort of reward — typically tokens to buy more cards from the in-game store.

The episodes have two different reward ladders — one is based on your overall ranking for most points earned among all players who participate in the event, and the best rewards are locked up here. For this to be worthwhile at all, you have to finish in the top 5,000 (that level gets you an ultra-rare card, its alt mode and its matched weapon; if you don’t have all three the character is basically useless from a gameplay standpoint) — which at this point in the game’s life means you have to play pretty heavily during the episode and really work to maximize your boss points-per-cube metrics in the last three or four days of the event. By that point there is essentially no advantage to fighting your own bosses; you are better served to farm killshots from bosses fought by other players and get essentially free points over and over and over again.

The second tier unlocks different rewards depending on the total number of points you score. The rungs on the ladder are close together early on so its possible to get enormous rewards early in the event. However, and completely ridiculously, you reach a point where there are diminishing returns on the rewards — basically, relatively quickly you reach a point where your reward for reaching a point threshold is lower than the reward for reaching the previous threshold. Because by the time you reach those steps, your only motivation is to compete for a position on the overall leaderboard, so the game reduces the rewards to force you to buy the currency you need with real money in order to keep pushing up that second ladder. It is a seriously dirty trick on the part of the developers.

Also, the point rewards have become characters that if you have played at all seriously up until that point you will already have. So those rewards you can easily win are of minimal value; they will give your team a minor boost during the event due to their attack bonus, but once that bonus expires at the end of the event you will probably end up putting that character on the bench.

So, really, once you complete the four mission nodes on the globe and acquire everything there is to acquire on the 18 “missions” at each node, the game becomes totally pointless to play. You exist only to farm points during events, which is most efficiently done by sniping the killshot on episode bosses — which doesn’t even require you to play the game. You just sit at the event menu and wait for a notification to pop up that somebody needs help. If the boss has less health than you can deliver damage with one currency point, you kill it, earn the currency point for delivering the killing blow, and then repeat for as long as you can stand to stare at the app and deliver the three screen taps it takes to participate in a fight.

If you have a collector mentality there is some interest early in the game in acquiring the different characters and their alt-modes. However once you get all of the common and uncommon characters, you just have to play a game of chance against a virtual dice roll to complete the lineup of rare characters. Beyond that are the super rares, and it is essentially impossible to collect those without spending money. And the very good ones in terms of in-game power are reserved for episode rewards requiring a volume of points you are not going to score without spending lots of money on Battle Cubes for boss fights. But once you reach the point where your primary method of advancement is to farm killshots during episodes until your Battle Cubes run out, the game becomes pointless to play.

I reached that point on Saturday. So unless something changes, I am pretty much done with this.

Memorial Day weekend movie blitz

Star Trek Into Darkness Friday night. Completely outstanding movie, and without question the best movie I have seen so far this year. Oblivion isn’t in the same ballpark, and Trek even blew away Iron Man 3, which I also thought was quite good. Very excellent villain(s), I very much like this current iteration of the crew, and the effects and fight scenes are great. This gives me great hope for what JJ Abrams will do with Star Wars 7.

Epic Saturday afternoon. Fun kids movie; Helen loved it and Millie spent the entire movie being three. It will be fun to see again on BluRay at some point.

Hangover 3 Monday afternoon. There was really no way this could have been worse than Hangover 2, but it still wasn’t very good. The bar set by the first one was just so, so high; the two sequels were almost failed from the very start. This third one was OK; it was Chow-centric which was good, but for some reason the Chow character has spent the last two movies as a different character than he was in the first one. In the first he was fun and flamboyant and had this maybe-he-is-gay vibe; in the second he just became dirty and mean. In the third one he is a weird combination of the two; they have tried to create him as this super-villain but they pushed that so far that it’s no longer a good character, I don’t think. The writers also tried to weave in this redemption-of-Alan subplot that honestly just didn’t work. There were funny moments to be sure, but not nearly enough to say this was a good movie.

Has there been another movie franchise where the first film has been so incredibly good and the two sequels have been total duds? The Matrix comes to mind obviously, but I can’t really think of another one. A lot of really wasted potential here.

2 Thoughts on “Helen’s story, too many words on Transformers: Legends, and a recap of my weekend movie blitz

  1. Joel Awesomesauce on May 29, 2013 at 3:12 pm said:

    To me, they never should have made another Hangover, to me. Matrix kind of demanded sequels (but they should have been better). The Hangover was perfect as one, epic movie. Once they decided insane crap like that could happen to the same group of people more than once in a lifetime my willful suspension of disbelief evaporated for the entire franchise.

  2. Yeah, I think that was the biggest problem with the second movie, that they would find themselves in a similar situation again. And to paraphrase what my friend Laura said on Facebook, “why don’t they just stop hanging out with Galifinakis?” To Todd Phillips’ credit, the basic premise for the third one is much better (and actually ties into the first one, albeit in a totally contrived manner), although he abandoned the “we woke up and have to reconstruct what happened to us” theme, which sortof defeats the purpose of calling it a “hangover.” I dunno. It was much better than the second one, but that’s a pretty low hurdle to clear.

Post Navigation